my week

As if I wasn't having a bad enough week, I accidently deleted the cookies on my computer last night which had Mark's login info for Bank of America(what he's using while deployed.) I had intended on making a payment on his credit card last night but couldn't because I don't know his login info or his debit card number. So I go into the branch here today. Last time I went in they gave me a hard time for not having a POA even though I never needed one before so I had to go ALL the way home to get it before I could just deposit money. Today they gave me a hard time for having a POA because I'm not on the account. No shit jerks that's why I brought it. So they had to go check with the 'manager' before I could move money. Stupid asses. He is going to be closing that account when he gets home because they are so stupid.

can't believe it

I really can't believe how fast this deployment and pregnancy is flying by. (Although I can gladly tell you I will not do a pregnancy alone again.) I go for one more monthly appt on Nov 6th and then it's appt's every 2 weeks. Sometime in December I'll go to appt's every week which will not be fun. I got her crib and changing table/dresser a few weeks ago. My baby shower is fast approaching. Before I know it Mark will be home and our little one will be here. Here are pics of the changing table and crib

what a week, it isn't even Friday yet

as if my fractured rib wasn't enough this week, my paypal and credit card info got stolen and someone went on a shopping spree in Europe! Over $400 with my credit card linked to my checking account(thankfully the one I only use for cashing checks and thankfully they called me to) and over $100 with paypal with Itunes Spain. Just fuckin great. And my coworker has the nerve to ask me while I'm telling her this since I disappeared from my cubicle, if it could have been my husband. First of all my husband is no where near spain and second he would have told me if he used my paypal account when he was in port. Now I have to go into the bank Saturday to fill out paperwork and luckily Paypal has been great so far with putting a stop on all charges on my account.

October already

I can't believe it's October already. Who knew this deployment would fly by this fast? I can't believe we're past halfway and in the homestretch. Hopefully the rest of the deployment flies by as well!
Our little one is loving sticking her feet in my ribs and kicking me. It really sucks that Mark is missing this part. I just hope he'll get to experience it when he gets home. I have another Ob appt on the 15th. I think at the begining of November I go to appointments every 2 weeks.
I've also been getting over a nasty cough that is going on week 3 now. I'm really hoping it starts to clear up because I don't know how more I can take of it. It's been really draining on me.

watch your kid!

So I get home from work and let my dogs out like I normally do and the neighbors 2 or so year old kid comes running into my yard after my one dog thats loose(whos trying to find a place to pee) and starts going after him and trying to pick him. ok fine, i get it your a kid you don't know better. next thing I know he's running into MY HOUSE. I start yelling that isn't your house. No parents around whatsoever. Then I hear my front door open so obviously he went out the front door so I let my one dog in and run upstairs and he's out front. I keep telling him he has to go to his house. Like 5 minutes later as I'm standing out front with their other neighbor(I'm the end unit) with their kid at their front door, the mother finally comes looking for him. Are you freakin kidding me? It's bad enough they leave their dog outside all the freakin time whining and I've already called on them once(which housing told them it was me that called) now their kid is running loose in the fuckin neighborhood. I don't even know what to do. I didn't even get to tell her that her kid ran through my house out the front before she ran back inside. I can't deal with these people for a few more months till Mark gets home from deployment. UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

update

So Mark's been gone on deployment for awhile. Things have actually gotten better if that's possible. Communication sucks when they are silent(like now) but once email is back up and they port things are great. We've only had one argument this whole time. Granted he went a little spending crazy in his first port but he cleaned up his act in the 2nd one.
Me & baby bean are doing well. Although she is not much of a bean anymore since she likes to kick me like crazy. My back has been bothering me and I haven't been sleeping well but I'm going to address that at my appointment tomorrow. I'm still very nervous about having a child and things changing between Mark & I but there isn't much I can do about other than seriously planning our next child.
I'm hoping to get on track for updating this more
love
jen

no words

i don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling sometimes. I just want my marriage to be normal. I dont want Mark to be mad at me for wanting to do something. I want freakin marriage counseling but theres really no point when he's not even going to be here alot to go with me. He just tells me to go by myself. maybe I do need counseling. how bad is it that I know that I have depression. I feel like I can't even go on meds for it without Mark judging me. Thats why I don't want to go to the dr to get help for it. My anxiety is worse than ever. I feel like my life is just spirling downword and I can't stop it. I wonder if my life would be different if I wasn't with Mark. maybe I'm stupid for wondering that but I do. I wonder if I would still be so unhappy. Mark tells me to fix it but I dont know how to. its obvious mark doesnt want to fix the problem so I dont know where to go from here. I have been nothing but a great wife to him and all I get is shit on in return. He basically gets everything he wants and I get nothing. I'm not sure where to go from here. any advice would be appreciated.

posting for jenn

Mark's been home from the last underway for 3 weeks now and things were going good until he got back from Michigan and I saw that he pulled out money on the credit card to go gamble. He's still on leave and thankfully goes back tomorrow. That caused a huge argument in the stop & shop parking lot with him handing over the card and me breaking it in half. Basically his spending is out of control again and he's gambling, granted he won quite a bit of money but thats not the point. He shouldn't have been at the casino period when he knows we have no extra money to do anything. Last night was just awful after I got home from work. Basically he doesn't trust me from things that mostly happened right after we got married (3 years ago) and he doesn't know if he can be with someone who doesn't trust him(I don't trust him with money and thats it) I feel like I do everything around here, I pay the bills, I clean, I work, I do the laundry, I feed the dogs. but its never enough for him. Nothing I do is never enough. I told him last night if he felt that strongly about it that he needed to go to Legal. Its bad enough he said hes not getting me another Power of Attorney because they messed up the one I have now and its void because the dates don't match. What am I supposed to do on deployment? I don't even know what to do anymore. He won't agree to marriage counseling and I'm just at a loss. Things were fine until last night with the exception of the parking lot. I don't want to be nice to him anymore. I do everything for him and I get nothing in return. Its bad enough we have seperate checking accounts because I can't trust him to keep his account in the green. He's stopped giving me money for household things with the exception of the truck payment. I have NO money leftover after I pay the bills. I have $75 right now to last me till next Thursday when I get paid again. I just want to be happy again and I'm not sure when thats going to happen. I try talking to him but he doesn't listen to me. I don't know what to do. I just don't.

long tuesday

so lets start with the fact that I thought I was getting my period today. apparently I can't count because I'm in fact getting it next week.
I made 2 new other blogs - one for my recipe testing out and one for my coupon savings. I think I might make one more for my weightloss journey.
Today is just a blah day, it was so rainy and dreary out. I can't wait for summer and lots of sun!
I'm off to hopefully do some exercise
lots of love
jen

life

Things have been so crazy lately. I'm not sure where my life is going. Things with Mark & I have been a little rocky. I haven't been truly happy in a long time. I'm not sure I even want to tell him that because I know he's going to flip out on me and its bad enough he already has been giving me attitude lately but I know I need to tell him.
On to other things, that perm I got a month ago. yea well its not sticking. I will wake up and my hair is semi curly and by the end of the day, it is pin straight. The hair salon I went to is making it seem like its the medication I'm on that is making it not stick. If that were the case I would think it would've not stuck to begin with? The worst part is that one of my friends is a hairdresser there and did my hair for me. I don't want this to ruin our friendship but I want my hair fixed or my money back. Something besides me going in and just getting my hair styled. Alot of good that is going to do. Even if I put mousse in my hair, it doesn't always last all day.
Well at least I have some good news for today, I got a raise and a promotion at work today. I expected the raise since it was my annual review but not the promotion. So now I'm a Senior Accounting Associate instead of just an Accounting Associate. Plus I got over $1 an hour raise. That I'm really excited about.
well thats it for today. I'm going to go clean a little and then relax with a book.
lots of love
jen

deployment

is fast approaching. I can't believe it and I really don't want too. I'm nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. Nervous and scared because we haven't gone through this before and I don't know what to expect, I guess the same for excited too. I know if we can get through this we can get through anything. Mark is due to go underway very soon for a few weeks. I've gotten used to these. Now if only I can do the 6monther I'll be fine.